Givin it Homemade...

Dreams of Free Food

I keep having this dream. I'm with other people, usually in a bus or a van, sometimes a car or a caravan of cars. We go and we park, and we walk through gravel paths in oriental gardens. Lots of bamboo. Bricks arranged like fans lining the paths. There is an older trailer home at the end, more gardens around it, and a little hand made, hand written sign along the path that says the food is free. There are tables and chairs set up in different areas in the garden, there is one area on sort of an island in a pond, or between streams. You walk across the bridge, through the bamboo, and you're there. They serve Chinese food. You can also sit inside the trailer, where apparently they make the food.

I don't know the significance of this place yet, but I've been there many times in my dreams. Perhaps part of the significance lies in where I choose to sit. And what I choose to eat. And whether I even ever get to sit and eat, or if I spend my time wandering about trying to find someone, or something.

And certainly, that the food is free.

St. Bernards, Squirrels, and Hot Chocolate

Did you ever find yourself suddenly, randomly realizing some minor childhood belief that never was challenged by reality? I was just driving down the road, and realized that I still had this belief that the St. Bernards went up in the mountains looking for lost people in avalanches, with those little barrels around their necks containing HOT CHOCOLATE! Naturally, what else would you want to get you through? I'm pretty sure that they actually do have the dogs, with the barrels, that go find people. As I recall, there were two, Bruno and Heidi up at Timberline Lodge, though I think they were mainly mascots and not rescue dogs. And apparently, if dogs are carrying the barrels, they contain brandy, not hot chocolate. I suppose they've been phased out somewhat by those tracking devices climbers use now. But even thinking about it now, with my adult brain, I still want to believe they'd bring me hot chocolate and dig me out of the avalanche.

Oh, and we still have squirrels in our ceiling. One of these days, I'll be sitting on my couch, knitting, watching South Park, and a ceiling tile will pop out and a squirrel will land in my lap.

And I'll wish I had a St. Bernard.

Getting Organized

So, I spent a good bit of my morning yesterday, trying to get everything AAMI organized. My next step is to get a whole slough of copies made of some forms. My little duck sewing box is keeping a space and keeping everything from tipping over right now, but probably will need to find a new home eventually. See that coffee can on the shelf, next to the computer? That's my new highlighter pen disguise. The hope is that it might help to keep them from walking off, if they are sealed in a can.

The really good news is that I did finally find my desk. Honestly, I wish I had a better space for studying, rather than my work space. I'm not sure how to switch my brain into school mode from work mode, without getting distracted one way or another mid stream, all day long. But, that's a problem that tends to follow me no matter what I'm doing. Obviously, something I need to work on.


My poor printer is rapidly losing it's battle with old age. I'm to that point now of trying to decide if I want to invest in one more toner cartridge, or go a little more and just get a new printer altogether. I've been Jonesin for a color laser printer for quite some time. I'm sure the toner for those is going to cost me even more than the ones for this dinosaur as well. I just have so much to print these days, and this poor printer... it just barely knows how to communicate with these new fangled computers, and oh, to have color. *sigh*

Anyway, the day is starting here. Lunch for Charlotte, Breakfast for Charlotte, kids to school, drop of money for school pictures, then drop of the payment for extended-K, then head over to get my hair done, then off to the library to vote, and pick up a book, then back here to work for a bit before heading back to pick up kids at school. *whew*

Killer Bees in the Morning

As promised, pictures of the Killer Bees Naga Socks. Gotta love the colors.


This crawled in this morning while it was still dark outside. Fortunately, the creature seems fairly good natured. ;)

And I do have my coffee. (yes it's a Hello Kitty toaster, and it makes Hello Kitty toast)

Something to gripe about

I've been a member in good standing of a "certain druid organization" for nearly 10 years. Paid my annual dues, even volunteered my time and resources to promote the org locally. Right now, my only reason for renewing this year, is that I have been in it for 10 years, and I'd hate to break that streak of being a member of anything that long. But really, what do I get in return? The classic answers are 1. dedicant/study programs and 2. guilds. I finished the initial study program, not really interested in doing much else with that. I'm studying midwifery, not much room for other study.

The guilds - great, except now they want us to dig deep and personally donate extra to sustain our guilds. Like we shouldn't expect the organization to do that. Or like the organization can't AFFORD to do that. Which is hogwash. (pardon my farm)

Otherwise, all I really seem to get from the organization these days is inane drama. Which is sort of entertaining, but I can watch Days of Our Lives for free. Why do I want to pay annual dues to watch people bicker on-line? Every 4 to 6 months or so, there is an interesting discussion, and I guess I'd hate to miss that. Or would I? Maybe I'd rather be knitting...

Currently on my needles, I'm about a third of the way up the body on Keith's sweater. It's going a lot faster than I'd expected it to. I also started a pair of Naga Socks with my new Yarn Pirate colorway called Killer Bees. I'll take some pictures later after the sun comes up.

Ravelry-rouser!

WHEEEE!!!
I'm IN!
We had lots of fun last night trying to come up with the perfect user name. I had thought of Ravelrauser earlier in the week, but it just wasn't as *fun* as I wanted. Nick came up with Knitty-Titty which was funny. Keith came up with Knotty-Knitter and Knit-Or-Swallow, both of which I really liked. I went with Knotty-Knitter since even though I'm SURE the PDXKnitBloggers would appreciate it, the other one might be a bit racy for Ravelry. Cracks me up though.

Anyway, now I have this giant time-suck swirling about right here in front of me, but I really have to stay focused, work, work work... then I can have the kids help me with taking pictures of my stash, and maybe I can put my books in this weekend. But I'm lovin it. ...

I had something else I wanted to talk about today, but I can't remember now. Cats going nuts and trying to tear down the house?

Little things that keep me going, hanging on...

ravelry > antsy
patiently awaiting your invite?

Found you!
You signed up on August 5, 2007
You are #23291 on the list.
1821 people are ahead of you in line.
14955 people are behind you in line.
55% of the list has been invited so far

September Storm

Got some shots of the heavy hailstorm this afternoon. There were 2-3 inches of hail on the freeway. This storm passed through here on I-205 between the time I drove through on my way to pick up Charlotte and heading home again. On Killingsworth, there was a car that stopped at a light and a DRIFT of hail slid off the top of their car. Cars were basically nearly stopped along this stretch of highway, because of the ice piles, and the floods of water that went along with it.
Fun-fun with weather.

Commitments and Priorities

All she wants to do is knit, except when she wants to spin...

First, the Ravelry update...

You are #23291 on the list.
6660 people are ahead of you in line.
11763 people are behind you in line.
47% of the list has been invited so far

Getting closer...

Can you change your priorities? You can try to change where you invest your energy, but if you don't feel it as a priority, it's just a really heavy drag, isn't it? I know I NEED to work a little harder and make more money, but gods, I really don't WANT to.

As my life has been upside down, inside out and just generally remodelled in the last few weeks, I'm feeling a little disoriented to say the least. The commitments have changed some. But my priorities remain the same. I almost didn't even go to Flock and Fiber this weekend. It sucks to go with no money. So many beautiful fibers and yarns. And bunnies, oh the bunnies.. But one of my priorities is spending time with my family. I did, I went. With my family. And it did feel good. Not as gloriously and giddy-ously good as it has in years past. But the crowd there is good. You can' hardly help but be swept away with all the people walking around with eyes glazed over and big giant grins on their faces. It's almost like they've been smoking that wool or something. Someday, I'm going to go to that thing with some real cash, and time to actually do something with what I buy. Yes, someday.

I've got more commitments than I know really where to put them. Work, school, more work, more school, mom taxi, housework, dinner, exercise (ha).... but what I keep trying so hard to find time for is not working towards my work or my education, but my knitting. The fiber stroking hobbies are always first on my list of wanting to make time. I SHOULD be making time to work more, make more cash, or making time to work more on my midwifery school and doula certification. Or get out and get some exercise. But only so many hours in the day. And I have my priorities. And knitting is kind of like doing yoga, right?

I have my afternoons, which seem like hours that need to be filled up with something more productive than just wrangling 5-year-olds. Finding I can knit and holler, hey! stop that! without missing a beat. figuring if I try to spin though, I'll be telling kids not to stick their fingers in there.. ;)

Maybe I'll try to get them into some more crafting projects. I just wish we had the room to have just "dedicated crafting space" so they could have projects and things to work on. But there is only the kitchen, and that is already committed to something else. Eating is a priority after all.

I feel so tired. and I know, I'm only going to get more tired. But, it's the sacrifices we make, trying to build a better life. Speaking of which, I ought to get back to working on that. Work, I mean. If I get done early, I can knit. It's my little carrot to keep me on track. And wow, I sure would like to get that credit card paid off. Pay off the Visa, and you can use the next month's payment to buy yourself a shiny new spinning wheel! How's THAT for an incentive! I guess I just have to figure out how to creatively use my priorities to inspire myself to fulfill the commitments.

Done!

The hunting Hat - Yarn from Fresh Isle Fibers, 100% Suffolk Wool, Hunter Orange.













The pattern is the 4-hat, 2-needle pattern from Knitspot. I altered teh pattern quite a bit, because I only did the crown by the pattern, and then for the placement of the ear flaps, and kind of *winged it* on the sides because I wanted to work in the round. It came out pretty good. :) And in time for Hunting Season.

In other news, we planted our banana trees today. So, that should be exciting. ;)

No Fear

We were talking the other night about our principles. Are we living our lives guided by our principles? Or are they sort of an abstract higher purpose, waiting for a convenient time? If you look at me, I'm working in medical transcription. Working for mainstream medicine, when I'm so painfully aware of the cold and clinical problems they create so they can solve them in the realm of childbirth. BUT, the work I am doing is in medical oncology, psychiatry and drug rehab, neurology, specialties that are doing good things to help relieve real suffering and improve quality of life. Add to this, my primary principle is toward my family. This job allows me to adapt to them, to be here for them. This job also is flexible enough to fill in the gaps while I pursue my dreams and my purpose.

When I started along this road, the idea was to become a midwife. To help women give birth in peace, in trust, in faith, conquering fears and supporting families. As a step along the way, I have stepped into doula work. Which has opened my eyes even more to the vast depth of fear mongering that goes on, manipulating birthing women with fear. The term "birth rape" gets thrown around a bit, and many think it goes too far. Too overly dramatic. But let's look at what happens... A woman, vulnerable and exposed, is intimidated by a person in power, a physician. She says no, physician does it anyway. Or worse, she says no, and physician says "if you don't do it, your baby will die" Is this much different from a rapist? Consent! Or something bad could happen to your children! For her own good, she needs it, she wants it she just doesn't know she wants it. She's a woman, no means yes. Her power is taken from her.

In the case of teen moms, it's often worse. Having a doula can help. Not just during labor in a hospital, but in the months and weeks leading up to the birth. Having a tour guide, an assistant to help you find the information you need to make your own decisions. Having someone support you and encourage you to listen to your intuition and trust it.

But it occurs to me as I wander about the local birthing community as a new doula. Most doulas view their job as a very important one, supporting a familiy in a very vital time of transition in their lives. But, it also seems to be somewhat elitist. Sure, many are willing to offer their services on a sliding scale, if a client expresses that need. But few are going out of their way to seek out women who cannot pay. It's not good business sense. Or is it?

The women who need doula assistance most, are those who are most unable to pay. They are also very likely to have never even HEARD of a doula. And why would they? It would be akin to thinking of hiring a nanny. Not a part of their reality. An extra, unnecessary expense. I kept hearing that if a woman thinks it's important enough, she'll find the money. But the women I am talking about are often on Welfare, or living in shelters. There is no extra to cut back on so they can save. Do we just abandon them to the medical system? They way they feel abandoned in so many other ways? Having an empowered childbirth experience could really be powerful enough to change the course of the lives of many. Encouraging bonding and faith.

Of course, my logical side questions pursuing this direction of actually actively looking for clients who cannot pay. Does this make good business sense? My hope and thinking on this, is that clients who CAN pay, will choose to use the services of a Doula who offers these services to moms who can't. That they will feel GOOD knowing that part of their fee helps to pay for doula services for another mom's birth as well as their own.

High quality, professional, dedicated doula services, comparable cost to other services, BUT with Willow Birth, a portion of your fee helps fund doula services for moms/families who otherwise would not be able to afford it. Seems like this could work in the realms of midwifery care and birth center services as well.

I think I have to take my own advice here, and proceed with an attitude of assumption of abundance. There is enough to go around, and part of my path it seems, is to help some of it get around.

SCHOOL!!!

So, the kids are liking school. Nick has settled in pretty well to high school. He's becoming a bit broody, but I think that's got something to do with having to be up so early every morning, and he's trying to sort of expand his world. Nothing wrong with that!

Charlotte loves her school. They bake bread and make soup, they play outside a lot.

Unfortunately, we did not make it through a whole week before Charlotte got sick. :( She's on the couch right now, trying to just be mellow and veg and not think about it. I am bathing in Purel, and hoping I can get some work done today. Must generate cash for Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival next weekend! Must! And two more weeks to the Gentle Birth Congress. Yay! *crossing fingers for no sick kids*

On my own school, I'm waiting for delivery of my AAMI PrePak which effectively starts my enrollment at AAMI. WOOT! I am accumulating books, reading every quiet moment I get, which is not many. I'm keeping my knitting in my purse so when I arrive places early I can work on it a bit. Working in the day, trying to get used to driving again, working in the evening into the night, up early the next. This year is going to be a challenge, to be sure, but I'm sure we can do it.

Still, I'm tired.

Changes

Wow. September already? When you homeschool, you don't really *notice* September so much. It's not a deadline, it's just another month as you slowly slip from summer into fall. Not this year...

See this smiling boy? He's heading off to HIGH SCHOOL next week.

Of course, NOW he looks like this..

What can you do? They grow, they expand, they head off to explore the world...

We've been homeschooling for the last four to five years. While not a totally sheltered and bubble-like existence, we have had some unprecedented control over our lives, our schedules, our teen-angst attitudes.. We work when we need to, sleep a little more when we need to, follow our interests and fascinations. The seasons came when they came, and we weren't hanging on for vacations or back-to-school sales to accumulate the necessary *stuff* before the D-day of school starting.

It's kind of funny really, I'm finding that kids going to school is going to put a huge damper on my ability to be flexible. Our lives are being shoved into this arbitrary school bell schedule. Kids have to be at school at a certain time every day, I'll be picking kids up at a certain time every day. No longer can I just morph and flex, and run off and do things at the drop of a hat. I'll have to check the unnatural schedule. But, I know, this is the right next step for both of my kids. Nick made the decision to go to high school. He wants to go, he should be able to go. I'm not a homeschooling nazi here. And Charlotte, well, if there wasn't a school that seemed really amazing, I'd keep her home. But she's just so ready for more, and this school is right up her alley. Besides, with her brother going to school, she'd be really missing him here at home. Plus, she thinks school clothes shopping is the greatest invention EVER!

I don't regret for a second the last few years of homeschooling. Without it, I doubt very much my kids would be as close as they are. At 15 and 5, had Nick been in school this entire time, he would have had very little patience or time for his little sister. As it is, they have really been very close. But it is time for them to develop more relationships with "kids their own age" I do believe kids should have relationships outside of the narrow band of their own specific grade, but the difference between 5 and 15 is HUGE, and close as they are, Nick could use some more teen aged relationships in his life, and probably not so many Kindergarteners.

So, they will adjust. I will adjust. But somehow, I feel like having the kids in school, I'll have even LESS time to get the things done that I need to do. And this working until 3 AM thing is just not going to fly when I have to drive kids to school at 8.

But it will all work out. And as for knitting time, well, there is always the Dojo while the kids do Aikido.

New Bag and Baby

So, I finished my B4 bag. Yay! Here it is before felting. Nice sized tote
.

And after felting, while blocking, and making a nice wet spot on my chair while I take the picture.

Kind of cool really.

But at LEAST as cool as my finishing a felting project *cough*, my partner in Doula crime attended her first client at a birth today! It wound up a C-section, but all was well. I'm all misty about it, and I wasn't even there! My time will come. Soon as I find some time to really start working on promoting myself. These business cards do little good sitting here on my desk. :)

Back to work. Or off to start work, after spending all evening finishing and felting this bag. LOL

B4 Bag Update

Okay, so it's coming along. :) I have 2 and a half I-cords done for the straps. Just need 1-1/2 more. I'm starting to be suspicious that my little hooky things for the straps are not in the right place. But if I want this done before tomorrow, I may have to just accept it. We'll see.
I'm pleased with the colors and the beads though. and it WAS fun to make. I will probably do another. I had to run out to the TWISTED yarn store to buy some nore Noro Kureon in this color so that I could finish it.

Okay, it's bugging me. I'm going to rip it back to the placement of the hookies. I just don't think they go where they are. hmmm..

100 Mile Diet? What about the 100 mile Drive?

Have you seen the 100 mile diet site?


It rocks. Yes, it does.

Admittedly, when it comes to cool stuff, I am rarely, no, basically never the first to know. Generally speaking, I'm not even in the first wave. Now and again, I hear stuff. Once or twice a year, I get really jazzed and inspired to DO things, really self-sufficient, sustainable things. But, I do work for a living here. So, deduct those 6 to 7 hours a day. Then deduce the 2 to 3 hours a day I'll be spending driving kids to and from school. Then with the couple of hours a day left before I pass out for the night, there is food planning, preparation and consumption, laundry, cleaning, trying to pursue my own education... not much time left for food farming/hunting, preservation, and knitting socks for the whole family. (I figure I have a better shot at knitting socks for everyone than maintaining the entire wardrobe). but, I still dream about doing more with what we have. (I know, I know, I start out sounding like a whine, but really, I'm just trying to figure it all out...)

How can I make some of those things happen anyway? Or along with all these other things?

The biggest dent obviously is that we're moving in the wrong direction with our driving habits. We were a family where dad drives to work (usually with the good mileage vehicle, motorcycle or rides his bicycle), and mom stays home with the kids, working from home. Now, dad drives to work, and kids are going to school, WAY across town, so mom needs the car to drive kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. So, we either need another vehicle for dad to drive to work, or he drives the gas guzzler truck we mainly only use for recreation/camping purposes these days, or he learns to ride his bike in the cold November rain and like it. Neither of us is in a remotely convenient position for using public transportation, although one child will be using it to get himself to and from school. Yeah, our lifestyle changes seem to be heading in the wrong direction for conservancy. But, it's a choice we made in order for the kids to go to good schools.

Potentially on the chopping block: The truck. The good old, wonderful, super comfortable truck. (sigh) But we know we could do as well with a medium sized SUV, something that could pull the boat, a camper, and the trailer (not all at once of course, but then, neither can our super fabulous well loved truck). Better gas mileage, maybe even a diesel. *sigh*

I think I'd like to go out to Sauvie's Island tomorrow, see what's popping as the harvest season gets underway. Not that I am at all prepared to do any canning or other perservation of foods, and we're camping next weekend so that's out. bluh. Just feels like we're so dang busy, but I can never remember what we've done. Or if we've done anything.

My Latest new favorite Blog

and a button...

You simply must check out Judy's blog. She's witty, she has a very friendly and comfortable writing style that just draws you in, like you're hanging out in her living room having a knit and a chat.

People come by my house, see my yarn mountain and say oh, you must knit! and I say, well, occasionally, but really, I mostly enjoy collecting yarn. The knitting thing has become sort of a cover story. A yarn laundering outfit if you will. Go string!

Gearing up

It's kind of like "cowboy up" right? No, just the preplanning phases for school, infringing upon our precious summer days. My kids haven't been in school for quite a while. Charlotte, never, Nick not since 4th grade. So, 5 years of homeschool. All of the sudden..POOF (or POOP, as I inevitably typed) we have parent planning meetings, back to school shopping, registration fees, school pictures, extended Kindergarten fees, bus passes, carpooling, after school care, school lunch and after school snacks planning... Planning, planning...Can I maintain even the illusion of being organized enough to handle all this????

I mean holy creeping crud! When do I get to knit? While I'm driving? I also am supposed to be working for a living, oh, and working on promoting myself as a doula, continuing my education, preparing to send for my AAMI Pre-Pak to get started on that.

Well, at least I did finalize my registration for the Gentle Birth World Congress taking place at the end of September. I'm looking forward to the waterbirth credential workshop. You can never have too many credentials. *grin*

Spent all my mad money at the going-out-of-business sale at Mabels. So sad to see a yarn store close, but I did get some rockin good deals. Now, I have to save up some cash for Oregon Flock and Fiber next month. I have a month. I can do it, right?

In my*spare* time, I'm still working on Keith's hunting hat, and my B4 bag (I must be working on these in my sleep, because I'm looking at the calendar, and I don't see ANY spare time in the waking hours) I REALLY want to start another pair of socks soon. Kids will be in Aikido starting in September, so that will give me some knitting time. Unless I want to be responsible, in which case I will use that time to study, or work. Ha. Ha. Hahaha.

Sexy Knitting

I think I have to get this T-shirt.

Found at Modern Yarn

I also acquired a new book last week. Who knew knitting could be so steamy? My husband was leafing through it, like it was some trashy magazine. :) Finally, knitting gets interesting! Well, to him. It's been MY passion for a while.

Perhaps a bit of moldy bread? or Undigested meat?

Yes folks, it's dream interpretation time..

My kids went to grandmas last night, so I had an actual natural dreaming state with no interruptions or unnatural awakening in the middle, which usually totally disturbs whatever message is trying to be expressed.

So, last night, I had a dream. I was involved in a druid ritual, in a forest by moonlight. There was a short man wearing a robe covered with reddish feathers. He spoke in a language I could not understand, then finally urged us all to dance. (In my dream, I understood him to be Fox) So, we formed a circle and danced in a circle. Linked arms, doing that grapevine step.

Then, a taller man, dressed plainly, with dark hair and blue eyes - began to guide and instruct us towards the group mind/trance. Rather than the "be the tree" method, he guided us into this sort of variant of the rock-paper-scissors thing, something like Tai Chi. We were to do Pumpkin, Rock, Plum, and shape our hands... first sort of flat handed, palm down as if over the top of a large pumpkin. Then for rock, we cupped our hands slightly, still palm down, thumb parallel to fingers, as if cupping a softball sized rock. For plum, we were to shape our hand, still palm down as if we had a plum in our palm, but thumb and fingers now pointing down. Somehow, there would be this S-shape on the thumb, which had something to do with a sacred name of the plum. (I'm thinking, Pumpkin = paper by the position of the hand, rock, obviously = rock, and the S-shape/sacred name is Scissors). We were to continue repeating this sequence over and over until we could grasp the deeper meaning. Several people wandered off in disgust (this is SO not Indo-European!!) and others grew frustrated with not "getting it" The man who was leading this exercise eventually was standing just in front of me, and we two were the only ones left still doing it. (apparently the ritual itself was either abandoned, or relocated)

He began speaking of nuances - such as feeling the essence of the pumpkin, how it contains and preserves the warmth of summer into the cooling days of fall, how it's seeds wait for the first frost to begin the rot so that they may sleep the winter away, warm in the flesh of their mother, to be born in the spring. The rock, old and stable, formed deep in the earth, forced up, tossed through rivers, carried on glaciers, to be held in my hand. Ancient, traveled, wise, earth.

Then the plum. This one was the most important, but apparently still a little beyond my grasp. I just remember having that S-shape on the thumb was very important. Also releasing the qi to the universe between the plum and the pumpkin.

He encouraged me, that I almost had it, and not to give up, the deeper meaning was within my grasp.

I woke up from this dream at this point, knowing as I usually do that this was a guide of mine, imparting a particular message so I wrote it down.

That's right, my conclusion is that Rock-Paper-Scissors is an acceptable modern tool for divination. ;)

And that, I am in fact close to understanding something. (not sure what) but that my persistence will pay off somehow (not sure how).

I know for ME, the plum will forever represent community and fellowship, a cooperative and shared harvest. A gathering for strength, for healing, for a loving power, and a thundering raining down of plums on gathered friends. What is the essence of the plum?

Why Not Nice Quiet Knitters?

Either the music has gotten super lame, or I'm getting old and crotchety.

We have new neighbors next door. We have been utterly spoiled to this point, having an empty house, and then neighbors who were never home, and now, the luck has run out.. we have crappy new neighbors with an over abundance of bass in their stereo. It's 1:30 AM, Sunday night, and my windows are rattling from my new lame-ass neighbors, and their lame-ass music. My husband is stomping around the house grumbling and cursing.

Here's hoping they're just having their stereo up while they are unpacking, and after they settle in, they will turn down the volume. Why oh why could it not have been bought by some nice quiet knitters? Knitting Kneighbors, that would have been nice. *sigh*

B4 Bag Progress

I'm about halfway on this bag. Once it's done, it will be felted. I'm excited, it's my first bag, AND my first felting project. Did I mention that I LOVE this yarn?? The colors are fantastic, and it feels so nice.

Knitting Day!

I do need to work for a few hours. And put some laundry through the system. And probably vaccuum. And, taking a shower and brushing my teeth would be a good move. But after all that... I'm going to KNIT dammit. I need just a few hours of NOTHING-BUT-KNIT time. Just for me. And maybe some champagne and cheese. And chocolate. Yeah. I'll call it a Brighid day. Blogging, cheese, knitting, housework. All that is missing is the forge and anvil.

I'll post my progress on the B4 bag tomorrow.

Stupid, Stupid People

So, Keith was in a bike-on-bike head-on accident on his way home from work. Some IDIOT decided to just swerve over and hit him head on on the bike path while he was barreling along at 20 MPH. The bike is bent. very bent. Keith has been investing a lot of his time and $$ into this bike, and unlike a car accident, there is pretty much no recourse, even when they hit and run. So far, miraculously, his bodily injuries seem pretty minor. Though his knuckle/hand is badly sprained, and possibly fractured and he's pretty banged up. I think he's more angry about his mint condition classic bike being totalled than anything else. And that it happened because somebody else was just being stupid and then took off without any attempt at making some effort to make it right. Personally, I'm relieved he wasn't hit by a truck or something, but upset about the bike too. He went through a lot of effort to bring it back here from St. Louis, fixed it up, and was really enjoying commuting to work that way. Lame Ass people. And hello? Can we please PLEASE catch a break?

Full of Bugs

So, my computer crapped out on me last night. I was just standing there, talking to Keith when I turned just in time to see Outlook feed me that line about how sorry it is for the inconvenience but it has to shut down. Which seemed odd. I wasn't doing anything at the time. But it wouldn't let me start Outlook anymore. I started to panic, what would I do? Somebody might NEED to reach me!! Then I tried to open my work program, which works with Word, and it wouldn't open either. So, I went to the option of reinstalling/repairing Microsoft Office, since that seemed to be the glitch. Well, it wouldn't let me. I tried a system restore, no dice. I tried many different angles of things, and finally something sort of worked. I say sort of, because I never did really figure out what was wrong, or how to fix it, I just found a way to sort of work around it. I eventually got everything working EXCEPT Outlook, and then I just fannagled that into working in spite of itself.


So, it works, but it *feels* funny, if that makes any sense. Like it could collapse again at any moment. Chelle is making backups now. Lots of backups.


Our Kitchen has even MORE bugs than my computer. We have our usual scout ants, wandering about looking for something to report back about. Nothing major. BUT, our neighbor gave us some pears from her tree that happened to be the location of a major fruit fly village. They apparently do not have an urban growth boundary, because they just expanded to our whole kitchen. Even after eliminating the fruit, they gather in the kitchen sink, in the garbage can, whereever suits their fancy.
As flies go though, the fruit fly is sort of cute. Sort of. Kind of like a flying fat hamster. Except it's a fly, and it lays it's eggs in my food. Which is gross. So, all fruit has been confined to quarantine until this crisis passes.

No Knitting

So very distracted... but not by my knitting, so that's a problem. If I'm going to be suffering financially for not getting any work done, I should at least get a pair of socks or a new felt bag out of the deal, right?
I only have a few weeks to start practicing a "new" schedule so that I don't absolutely die when school starts. I need to practice being organized and on a schedule. I have to try to remember how to make lunches.. I'm sure I can find a helpful web site to help with that...

ah, another distraction...

I just gradually through the week slip back into the working until 2 AM, sleep until 9:30 schedule, and that just is NOT going to work when school starts. I won't make it sleeping from 3 to 7. Unless I sleep while they are at school, but I think that's just counterproductive. I need to be pro-productive during daylight hours, and force my natural rhythms to comply with the sleeping at night, working in the day. No matter how much it hurts, they are probably not going to be supplying a Kindergarten night class anytime soon.
In Knitting news, I'm in line for Ravelry - only 14854 people in front of me in line. Hopefully they get their real big-people servers up soon so they can get us all in. I'm working on my B4 bag and the stole. Haven't started the next socks yet. Really want to do that sweater/duster thing...think I have time for a knitting class?

In Doula News, I'm sending in my application to Operation Special Delivery today. The whole military culture is very alien to me. But, that doesn't mean I don't respect the value of the military and the sacrifices those families make. I feel like tihs is a way I can help too, even in a small way. Basically, you volunteer as a Doula to be with women and support them in their pregnancy and birth, while their partner is deployed or otherwise unable to be there. There is apparently no state coordinator for Oregon, so in case I don't feel like I have enough to do or my commitment list is growing too short, I can volunteer to do that too.

In midwifery news, I'm still working on completing the steps so I can send for my Pre-Pak from AAMI. I'm also trying to put together the $$ so I can register for the Gentle Birth Conference thing at the end of September. If I can, I'd like to go to the Trust Birth conference in March, but that might be too much of a stretch.

I really need some meditation time, but I think I'm going to need to meditate in order to find where the time is to meditate. So, that loop is kind of closed.
My sister is on her honeymoon now, apparently she's become quite ill along the way. Hopefully, she feels better soon so she can enjoy the rest of her trip. Aren't they cute?

This week's meditation

How have I respected my life's purpose today?

from Celtic Devotional by C. Matthews

It's kind of like asking... "How am I not myself?"

Post-coffee apology

Note to readers: I apologize for all my whining. It's no less true, but it can stay all bottled up and squashed down inside where it belongs, not spewed all over you.

Note to self: Don't begin blogging before coffee, after night of insomnia.

(aka get a grip before planting fingers on the keyboard)

FORMAL COMPLAINT!

Okay, it's more of an Informal Complaint. Do you ever look around at your life, and go WTF am I doing? Am I living my life, or is my life an entity of its own, swirling about randomly making messes and my job is just to try to clean them up and maybe keep it from hurting anybody else? I just seem to have such a list of clean up on aisle 10 that I feel like my life, at least the fun part, is pretty much over. I'm on the downhill side of life at 37, heading towards the finish line. It might be more fun to go barrelling down the mountain at breakneck speed, but am I really in this big hurry to get there? but if I just keep grabbing at branches that scratch my face, trying to slow myself down, don't I just end up all bruised and tired, and bloody, and do I really want to spend as much time as I can doing that?

There just are people out there, people in my own family who would look at that scenario and go cool! You're on a mountain! Why don't you try flying??! Why do you figure you have to run or fall and roll? And I just never would have thought of it that way. Not anymore. Things that used to be thrilling and exciting just make me feel full of fear and anxiety now. Is it the same thing? I've just forgotten how to interpret it as joy so it's learned to be terror and angst?

Once I was young and actually FUN. Now I find that when I spend any significant amount of time around any number of people that might resemble a crowd, or even a small gang, I become physically sick. Either with a headache, or just sick to my stomach. It's like I just don't know how to be around people anymore. All that extra energy barrage, and I WANT to be social, I WANT to just hang out, be with people, know people...

And then the insomnia hits, and I can't sleep and I just lay there thinking, what am I doing? Paying bills? Just keeping my head above water? Never really making much progress, not exactly running in circles, because that would be sort of focused. I start one circle, then see another one and go over there, start running that circle. At least if I stayed in one place I might accomplish a rut.

It's like, the most important job I have in life right now, is to be the person who takes this little girl downstairs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so she doesn't have to do down in the dark by herself. Which feels pretty important. At least to her. Typically at the time, I've been up half the night with anxiety and insomnia, and every time I almost fall asleep my brain convinces me I'm having a stroke, or a heart attack... so when I finally do get to sleep, that's usually when Charlotte's little alarm goes off and she has to go potty.

It's the craziest thing really... when all is calm and quiet and right, that's when I am most likely to have a panic attack. Put me on a freeway bridge that's falling in, an earthquake, a woman having a baby, and people are panicking, and I am your voice of reason, your take charge person, your calm eye of the storm, your rock in a crisis. That's me. Maybe I just need to be in crisis?

Horks alive, that's just ***ked up.

Tofutsies Socks Done, what's next?

Looky, looky - I figured out how to do the cursed blog tags/badges thingies for my sidebar. Seems like they coulda made that a little easier. but ANYWAY...

Finally finished Charlotte's pair of matching socks. I can't find the pictures (I actually think I deleted them because my card was full and I wanted more pictures at my sister's wedding last weekend). But, here is one of MY sock. Charlottes look just like mine, but her feet are smaller and cuter. It's just a basic vanilla sock using Tofutsies yarn.

I'm still working away on my sister's stole. Obviously, not going to be the wedding present, but maybe for their 2-year anniversary. I'm also working on the B4 Bag which I just started working on. Now, I'm going to have to try another pair of socks. Probably the new I-Love-Gansey socks from the Six-Sox KAL group

I'd also like to try the tilted duster pattern on the cover of the Fall IK.

All this, and starting to save up my pennies for the Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival in September, plus that whole change my life career, try to give some energy to spiritual pursuits, find time for marital bliss, etc... The plate is full, may I have another?

Willow Logo

It's In. Yay Logo

and I got the business cards in the mail yesterday. I like it, it's working for me. Thanks Anne! :)

My actual cards have the phone number on them, but I'm not going to make it that easy here.

Kniting and Knit-Alongs

Oh, how I wish I thought I could actually do a KAL with other people. I'd do this.

I'm working on the B4 bag, and a stole for my sister. I want to start another pair of socks tonight though, something to take on the train on Thursday...

Taking Steps, Baby Steps

I haven't been much of a blogger lately, but I thought I'd post my open letter to those in my life..


Hello Fambly –

I haven’t been avoiding anybody, (really I haven’t) I’ve just been trying to change the direction of my life. Which is sort of like trying to turn a really big building to face in another direction. I thought I’d just update you on the status of things round here.

The dream moves pretty slowly, but it does finally feel like there is some motion in the ocean. I had a dream last night that I was trying to make deliveries in my old car up on Mt. Tabor, but it was icy, and my car was full of a lot of garbage. For some reason, I knew I’d be better off if I cleaned that car out before I tried to navigate any more ice hills (aka slippery slopes). But I have to do it in small batches because the dumpster is a long way away, and the ground is slippery. So, baby steps, Dr. Leo Marvin, baby steps.. And I just knew I was driving the right car to keep from sliding backwards, even on the ice. My life is equipped and stable, just still needs a little de cluttering and cleaning out. And obviously, would have been smarter to clean it out before heading up the mountain, or not let it get so full of trash in the first place, but you do what you have to do.

I’m working on my web site and the preliminary version is here: www.willowbirth.com I still don’t have a logo I like very well, and my time has been pretty limited for working on it. I still find myself a little skeptical about the logistics of creating a business designed to serve people who by definition, probably can’t pay. But at the base of it all is the idea of empowering people through the birth process, and beginning to empower them as parents, in ways that the “system” just doesn’t do. I’ve been particularly interested in working with teen moms, and it seems like Catholic Charities is one of the best organizations in here in town to work with. (Thank you, Providence)

I’m working my way through my doula certification through Birth Arts International, and took their workshop in April. At the same time, I’m starting work on my midwifery program through Ancient Arts Midwifery Institute. There is quite a bit of crossover in their requirements so it shouldn’t be too difficult to do both. I’m also fascinated with the idea of eventually pursuing some sort of Childbirth Educator certification, and Birthing From Within is certainly my favorite in that regard, although Ancient Arts Midwifery has a CBE certification option within the midwifery program, so I will likely do that as well. There’s also a Gentle Birth conference in Portland this September, and I’m hoping to do the waterbirth certification workshop at that.

As with most education, it’s the cost of books that is going to be one of the big strains. The books I’ll need for my training I’ve compiled in an Amazon wish list. So, in case, you know, you have this undeniable desire to buy me a present. (that’s right, I’m begging for books *grin* - and I am not offended by used books). You can sort the list by priority and the highest priority ones are the ones I need sooner rather than later. I’m working to acquire these by selling other books I have (which also makes room for the new ones), but it’s slow going.

You can see the Wish List at:http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/3BROVHT7XI7LU

So, if anybody would like to design a logo for me (haha) I’m looking for something willowy, willow branches, willow tree, watery, and the words Willow Birth on it. I have one that I actually like pretty well, but the resolution on the graphic image makes it a little blurry for business cards. (if you want to see what I have let me know)

In other news, I’m still working my “day job.” We took a very much needed vacation in June to the beach for a week. Mom and dad came out for a few days. We have a couple of camping trips scheduled for August, but that’s all we could do this year. Keith has taken to riding his bicycle to work and he’s enjoying that. I think he actually gets home from work faster that way. Both kids are attending school this fall. Nick is going to Benson High School, and Charlotte is going to a new Charter school in North Portland called Portland Village School. I’m “hoping” this affords me more focus time to keep my irons from falling out of the fire and burning me or the house down. But we shall see.

On top of all this, we are making some remodelling/reconstruction plans for our house, some of which we hope to accomplish this summer, but the biggest bit will happen next summer.

But we are all healthy and doing okay. No major crises lurking on the horizon, or at least we are blissfully unaware if they are. Near as I can tell, it’s nothing worse than some slippery slopes to navigate, which I’ll take over steep rocky cliff climbing and running from tidal waves any day.

We will continue with the mantra of “next year it will get easier” until it comes true (or we go crazy).

Love to you all!

Vacation, all I ever wanted..

We are HERE! Lincoln City, just a teeny bit North of Inn at the Spanish Head. It's likely going to wind up being foggy and/or grey and rainy for the majority of our stay. We did get out yesterday and hike to Drift Creek Falls just far enough into the coast range to escape the fog for a few hours and hike in the woods. It's a really beautiful hike, about 2-1/2 to 3 miles round trip, with a suspension bridge over the gorge where the falls, well.. falls.

The beach has been great too. We had some kite flying fun. And some great tidepool exploring at low tide. And perhaps best of all, the jaccuzi tub, with a view of the ocean.

Well, it's beginning to rain, so that's my cue to finish up some work, and start getting ready to go do some shopping, hit the museums, and especially the yarn shops.

My other plans for this week include putting together at least a rudimentary Seers Guild Study Program, and work on my Doula Certification stuff. I also need to write up my bio for the web site, and then maybe, if there's time work on my own web site. But, I also really REALLY want some good quality knitting time this week, so we'll see how that works out.

In other news, I did a reading for a friend using my as-yet untested method of using SPAM e-mail as a divination method. It was pretty accurate. Great to find some practical use for SPAM, eh?

I'm pleased about the rain, it feels like home. :)

Busy Weekend

Still feels like nothing got done..

We went last weekend to the Pomeroy Farm Herb Festival and bought a bunch of herbs. And I SWEAR this time, they will LIVE! At least through the summer. Bunch of culinary herbs like varieties of basil, rosemary, thyme, sage. Some mints for their own pot. I even got three kinds of catnip, which have to live in a hanging basket high above the porch for their own survival. Lane will roll in it to death otherwise.

My sister is getting married this summer and I want to make them a lace stole. I may be getting ahead of myself in terms of just how fancy my knitting skills are. But we'll see. If I get to the first of July and find that it just looks like crap, I'll just make them some lovely heirloom washcloths. ;)

My joints are getting worse. My hands ache all the time. REALLY need to get my broken butt in gear and change this career path. Constant typing is just not going to work out for the long term. Oh, and I still have this weird rash on my thumbs. It's like, the pigment in my skin is turning brown. In the bright sunlight, you can see that it has some spots that are more pink, and the skin is starting to flake a little. I don't know what it is. But my medical transcriptionist brain goes right to the pathology potentials. It's probably not Alzheimer's disease, but there's always sarcoidosis, or rheumatoid arthritis. Or, as I've joked to my husband, I probably have about enough Native American blood in my veins to fill my thumbs. Maybe that's it.

Our beach vacation is finally on the horizon. I NEED this vacation like nobody could believe. Naturally, I'm taking my work with me because even though I need it, and I can have it, I really can't HAVE it. blah. I have some other projects I need to work on, my little doula bio, my web site, the ADF Seers study program... and several knitting projects.

Speaking of, I'm going to yank the yarn out of the little vest thing I started because I'm just positive there isn't enough yarn. I figure, since even when I look and think, oh yeah, there's plenty, I tend to run out. So, if I look and say, I don't think there's enough, then there is DEFINITELY not enough. But, this yarn will make a really cute tote bag.

Okay, better get moving on the mundane life... library, post office, bank... work, work, work...

Blogger Slacker and Yarn Cruises

Yep, I'm a blogging slacker. But in my defense, when I'm not working, I'm trying to spend time with knitting, so at least that means I'm not on the computer 24/7.

I'm fascinated by this whole notion of going on cruises to knit. Like this one.. Sea Socks or this one.. Spindlicity

If I ever were to do a cruise, I hope it's one of those. Too fun. I wonder if there are any more? And how do you find them?

Like an Old Friend

So, I'm almost done redoing that Monkey sock. It looks a lot better on 0 needles, so I'm glad I did it. I'll probably be able to finish it this weekend.

Heading out tomorrow with Malacat to the Birth Arts Doula workshop this weekend. Kind of like a first step. Maybe even more than the first step I thought I was taking before when I signed up for the AAMI Intro to Midwifery course, which I'm a teeny fraction of the way through, but it is due to be finished and turned in in two weeks. I doubt I'm going to make it. I'm not sure I'm concerned about that right now. I guess I'll see how much of it I can get done and if it looks close, I'll pay for the one month extension on it and finish it up. If not, I'll just go ahead and send for my Orientation materials for the regular Advanced Midwifery course and get busy on that instead.

I went ahead and signed up for the Shop Hop tour with the local Knitting Guild. I hemmed and hawed about it for a good while, but I think it will be nice to get out with a group of people I have never met before and just have a fun day. Why not?

To further spur me on to meeting new people on purpose, the last two weeks I have mysteriously been back in touch with two people I haven't talked to in quite a long time. One of whom I was formerly quite close to. The signs point to something a little more in tune with the universe than just random serendipity, so I'm keeping my eyes open on this one.

Frogged

Sometimes, you just have to start over. I finished the first Monkey sock (as you may recall), but it was just too loose. I admit, I am very new to the whole gauge thing, and with this one in pattern, I couldn't tell how it was going to be until it was mostly done. I could tell then that it seemed like it was going to be too loose, but I wanted to get all the way to the end. So, I did. And yep, too loose.

So, I tore the whole thing out, and I'm going to start again with smaller needles and see how that goes. Surely, I will never get even one sock done before the end of the month now, but I'm going to give it a try.

On other needles, as I was pouring through my stash to find yarn to make that B4 bag with, I came across some yarn I bought back in probably 2004 from Ozyarn (no longer in business sadly), a place in Australia that sold mainly novelty type yarns but they had some great patterns.

I bought 7 balls of this funky, lumpy blue and purply, yarn called Dazzle, which came with a pattern for making a celtic vest. I found the pin, that came with it the other day, and last night, I found the pattern I'd printed out. So, last night, I cast on and started it. It's on super big (5.5 mm) needles, so that's a switch. And now that I look at it, I'd probably really need one more ball of the stuff to make it actually fit me, but we'll see if I can tweak it a little.

'nuff talk. Must work to buy more yarn..!!

Cookies

I bought a whole crate of Girl Scout Cookies. Trying to be disciplined and make them last more than a week this time. But if I don't eat them, someone else will and I won't get any!!

THEN...

I turned around and bought a whole CRATE of Cookie knitting patterns. Will I ever stop eating cookies long enough to make Cookie socks? The world may never know...

I purchased: Twisted Flowers, Rhiannon, Mona, Millicent, and the German Stocking patterns. They're all on her web site. I was disciplined and controlled. I'm pretty sure there are two patterns I did not buy.

Monkey Socks Progress

I 've been working on the Monkey Socks for a bit now. Using Wildfoote sock yarn, in the Purple. Just discovered that the avon bubble bath bottle works pretty good as a blocker in a pinch. I really like the pattern. It's hard to see until you kind of stretch it out a little bit. This is my first shot at a sock with a pattern in it, at least one that came from a graph. I'm rather pleased about it. :)

Not going as quickly as the others so far because:



A. Smaller needles
B. Actual sock yarn
C. I've been working more hours and have had less knitting time (sob)



Well, yesterday, we took a day trip on the train to Seattle. Which meant about 7 hours of knitting time for me on the train. Anyway, so far on the socks. I have finished the repeats and I'm about to do the heel on the first sock (hopefully tonight!) Took me the whole train trip to get that far.

I did spare the family and we went to the Seattle Aquarium, rather than just dragging them on a yarn shop tour. *grin*



I am trying to be disciplined and not buy any more yarn for a while! Okay, until Saturday, but you know, it's the big Spring Fiber Sale! How can I miss it? It will be MONTHS before there is another one. I might run out! (har)


I can always knit when they're sleeping. No one need ever know...


I want to finish up these socks so I can move on to the next fascination, the B4-Bag. My first boughten pattern. I hoard everything free I can find, but this is SOOOO CUTE and looks to be something I could actually DO. It will be my first shot at bobbles... and felting... and including beads in the work... but I SOOO must do it. I have some yarn in my stash that I bought on Ebay a few years ago, from a vendor called Dyeing for Fiber... apparently no longer around (much to my chagrine). The yarn is so beautiful. And I still have some dyed roving in my stash to spin as well. I almost hate to use it, knowing I can't get anymore. *pout* Ah well, on to the next artist.

In other news, there is much fantasizing going on around here about doing some drastic changes to our house, adding on a few rooms, and liberating another to become a mecca of creativity and peace... aka, the craft room. Which means my office will have more space as well, ANNDD... the kids will have their own rooms, which means further, we will have OUR own room. woot! And if we get too discouraged with the crazy making about doing that here, we'll give up, and sell this house and buy one that fits us already. But we have to change our train of thought here somehow, just to get motivated to make some progress one way or another.

Finished Socks!

Finished my second pair last week. Modelled here by my 14yo son's feet. He says they feel soft and squooshy. :)