Changes

Wow. September already? When you homeschool, you don't really *notice* September so much. It's not a deadline, it's just another month as you slowly slip from summer into fall. Not this year...

See this smiling boy? He's heading off to HIGH SCHOOL next week.

Of course, NOW he looks like this..

What can you do? They grow, they expand, they head off to explore the world...

We've been homeschooling for the last four to five years. While not a totally sheltered and bubble-like existence, we have had some unprecedented control over our lives, our schedules, our teen-angst attitudes.. We work when we need to, sleep a little more when we need to, follow our interests and fascinations. The seasons came when they came, and we weren't hanging on for vacations or back-to-school sales to accumulate the necessary *stuff* before the D-day of school starting.

It's kind of funny really, I'm finding that kids going to school is going to put a huge damper on my ability to be flexible. Our lives are being shoved into this arbitrary school bell schedule. Kids have to be at school at a certain time every day, I'll be picking kids up at a certain time every day. No longer can I just morph and flex, and run off and do things at the drop of a hat. I'll have to check the unnatural schedule. But, I know, this is the right next step for both of my kids. Nick made the decision to go to high school. He wants to go, he should be able to go. I'm not a homeschooling nazi here. And Charlotte, well, if there wasn't a school that seemed really amazing, I'd keep her home. But she's just so ready for more, and this school is right up her alley. Besides, with her brother going to school, she'd be really missing him here at home. Plus, she thinks school clothes shopping is the greatest invention EVER!

I don't regret for a second the last few years of homeschooling. Without it, I doubt very much my kids would be as close as they are. At 15 and 5, had Nick been in school this entire time, he would have had very little patience or time for his little sister. As it is, they have really been very close. But it is time for them to develop more relationships with "kids their own age" I do believe kids should have relationships outside of the narrow band of their own specific grade, but the difference between 5 and 15 is HUGE, and close as they are, Nick could use some more teen aged relationships in his life, and probably not so many Kindergarteners.

So, they will adjust. I will adjust. But somehow, I feel like having the kids in school, I'll have even LESS time to get the things done that I need to do. And this working until 3 AM thing is just not going to fly when I have to drive kids to school at 8.

But it will all work out. And as for knitting time, well, there is always the Dojo while the kids do Aikido.

New Bag and Baby

So, I finished my B4 bag. Yay! Here it is before felting. Nice sized tote
.

And after felting, while blocking, and making a nice wet spot on my chair while I take the picture.

Kind of cool really.

But at LEAST as cool as my finishing a felting project *cough*, my partner in Doula crime attended her first client at a birth today! It wound up a C-section, but all was well. I'm all misty about it, and I wasn't even there! My time will come. Soon as I find some time to really start working on promoting myself. These business cards do little good sitting here on my desk. :)

Back to work. Or off to start work, after spending all evening finishing and felting this bag. LOL

B4 Bag Update

Okay, so it's coming along. :) I have 2 and a half I-cords done for the straps. Just need 1-1/2 more. I'm starting to be suspicious that my little hooky things for the straps are not in the right place. But if I want this done before tomorrow, I may have to just accept it. We'll see.
I'm pleased with the colors and the beads though. and it WAS fun to make. I will probably do another. I had to run out to the TWISTED yarn store to buy some nore Noro Kureon in this color so that I could finish it.

Okay, it's bugging me. I'm going to rip it back to the placement of the hookies. I just don't think they go where they are. hmmm..

100 Mile Diet? What about the 100 mile Drive?

Have you seen the 100 mile diet site?


It rocks. Yes, it does.

Admittedly, when it comes to cool stuff, I am rarely, no, basically never the first to know. Generally speaking, I'm not even in the first wave. Now and again, I hear stuff. Once or twice a year, I get really jazzed and inspired to DO things, really self-sufficient, sustainable things. But, I do work for a living here. So, deduct those 6 to 7 hours a day. Then deduce the 2 to 3 hours a day I'll be spending driving kids to and from school. Then with the couple of hours a day left before I pass out for the night, there is food planning, preparation and consumption, laundry, cleaning, trying to pursue my own education... not much time left for food farming/hunting, preservation, and knitting socks for the whole family. (I figure I have a better shot at knitting socks for everyone than maintaining the entire wardrobe). but, I still dream about doing more with what we have. (I know, I know, I start out sounding like a whine, but really, I'm just trying to figure it all out...)

How can I make some of those things happen anyway? Or along with all these other things?

The biggest dent obviously is that we're moving in the wrong direction with our driving habits. We were a family where dad drives to work (usually with the good mileage vehicle, motorcycle or rides his bicycle), and mom stays home with the kids, working from home. Now, dad drives to work, and kids are going to school, WAY across town, so mom needs the car to drive kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. So, we either need another vehicle for dad to drive to work, or he drives the gas guzzler truck we mainly only use for recreation/camping purposes these days, or he learns to ride his bike in the cold November rain and like it. Neither of us is in a remotely convenient position for using public transportation, although one child will be using it to get himself to and from school. Yeah, our lifestyle changes seem to be heading in the wrong direction for conservancy. But, it's a choice we made in order for the kids to go to good schools.

Potentially on the chopping block: The truck. The good old, wonderful, super comfortable truck. (sigh) But we know we could do as well with a medium sized SUV, something that could pull the boat, a camper, and the trailer (not all at once of course, but then, neither can our super fabulous well loved truck). Better gas mileage, maybe even a diesel. *sigh*

I think I'd like to go out to Sauvie's Island tomorrow, see what's popping as the harvest season gets underway. Not that I am at all prepared to do any canning or other perservation of foods, and we're camping next weekend so that's out. bluh. Just feels like we're so dang busy, but I can never remember what we've done. Or if we've done anything.

My Latest new favorite Blog

and a button...

You simply must check out Judy's blog. She's witty, she has a very friendly and comfortable writing style that just draws you in, like you're hanging out in her living room having a knit and a chat.

People come by my house, see my yarn mountain and say oh, you must knit! and I say, well, occasionally, but really, I mostly enjoy collecting yarn. The knitting thing has become sort of a cover story. A yarn laundering outfit if you will. Go string!

Gearing up

It's kind of like "cowboy up" right? No, just the preplanning phases for school, infringing upon our precious summer days. My kids haven't been in school for quite a while. Charlotte, never, Nick not since 4th grade. So, 5 years of homeschool. All of the sudden..POOF (or POOP, as I inevitably typed) we have parent planning meetings, back to school shopping, registration fees, school pictures, extended Kindergarten fees, bus passes, carpooling, after school care, school lunch and after school snacks planning... Planning, planning...Can I maintain even the illusion of being organized enough to handle all this????

I mean holy creeping crud! When do I get to knit? While I'm driving? I also am supposed to be working for a living, oh, and working on promoting myself as a doula, continuing my education, preparing to send for my AAMI Pre-Pak to get started on that.

Well, at least I did finalize my registration for the Gentle Birth World Congress taking place at the end of September. I'm looking forward to the waterbirth credential workshop. You can never have too many credentials. *grin*

Spent all my mad money at the going-out-of-business sale at Mabels. So sad to see a yarn store close, but I did get some rockin good deals. Now, I have to save up some cash for Oregon Flock and Fiber next month. I have a month. I can do it, right?

In my*spare* time, I'm still working on Keith's hunting hat, and my B4 bag (I must be working on these in my sleep, because I'm looking at the calendar, and I don't see ANY spare time in the waking hours) I REALLY want to start another pair of socks soon. Kids will be in Aikido starting in September, so that will give me some knitting time. Unless I want to be responsible, in which case I will use that time to study, or work. Ha. Ha. Hahaha.

Sexy Knitting

I think I have to get this T-shirt.

Found at Modern Yarn

I also acquired a new book last week. Who knew knitting could be so steamy? My husband was leafing through it, like it was some trashy magazine. :) Finally, knitting gets interesting! Well, to him. It's been MY passion for a while.

Perhaps a bit of moldy bread? or Undigested meat?

Yes folks, it's dream interpretation time..

My kids went to grandmas last night, so I had an actual natural dreaming state with no interruptions or unnatural awakening in the middle, which usually totally disturbs whatever message is trying to be expressed.

So, last night, I had a dream. I was involved in a druid ritual, in a forest by moonlight. There was a short man wearing a robe covered with reddish feathers. He spoke in a language I could not understand, then finally urged us all to dance. (In my dream, I understood him to be Fox) So, we formed a circle and danced in a circle. Linked arms, doing that grapevine step.

Then, a taller man, dressed plainly, with dark hair and blue eyes - began to guide and instruct us towards the group mind/trance. Rather than the "be the tree" method, he guided us into this sort of variant of the rock-paper-scissors thing, something like Tai Chi. We were to do Pumpkin, Rock, Plum, and shape our hands... first sort of flat handed, palm down as if over the top of a large pumpkin. Then for rock, we cupped our hands slightly, still palm down, thumb parallel to fingers, as if cupping a softball sized rock. For plum, we were to shape our hand, still palm down as if we had a plum in our palm, but thumb and fingers now pointing down. Somehow, there would be this S-shape on the thumb, which had something to do with a sacred name of the plum. (I'm thinking, Pumpkin = paper by the position of the hand, rock, obviously = rock, and the S-shape/sacred name is Scissors). We were to continue repeating this sequence over and over until we could grasp the deeper meaning. Several people wandered off in disgust (this is SO not Indo-European!!) and others grew frustrated with not "getting it" The man who was leading this exercise eventually was standing just in front of me, and we two were the only ones left still doing it. (apparently the ritual itself was either abandoned, or relocated)

He began speaking of nuances - such as feeling the essence of the pumpkin, how it contains and preserves the warmth of summer into the cooling days of fall, how it's seeds wait for the first frost to begin the rot so that they may sleep the winter away, warm in the flesh of their mother, to be born in the spring. The rock, old and stable, formed deep in the earth, forced up, tossed through rivers, carried on glaciers, to be held in my hand. Ancient, traveled, wise, earth.

Then the plum. This one was the most important, but apparently still a little beyond my grasp. I just remember having that S-shape on the thumb was very important. Also releasing the qi to the universe between the plum and the pumpkin.

He encouraged me, that I almost had it, and not to give up, the deeper meaning was within my grasp.

I woke up from this dream at this point, knowing as I usually do that this was a guide of mine, imparting a particular message so I wrote it down.

That's right, my conclusion is that Rock-Paper-Scissors is an acceptable modern tool for divination. ;)

And that, I am in fact close to understanding something. (not sure what) but that my persistence will pay off somehow (not sure how).

I know for ME, the plum will forever represent community and fellowship, a cooperative and shared harvest. A gathering for strength, for healing, for a loving power, and a thundering raining down of plums on gathered friends. What is the essence of the plum?

Why Not Nice Quiet Knitters?

Either the music has gotten super lame, or I'm getting old and crotchety.

We have new neighbors next door. We have been utterly spoiled to this point, having an empty house, and then neighbors who were never home, and now, the luck has run out.. we have crappy new neighbors with an over abundance of bass in their stereo. It's 1:30 AM, Sunday night, and my windows are rattling from my new lame-ass neighbors, and their lame-ass music. My husband is stomping around the house grumbling and cursing.

Here's hoping they're just having their stereo up while they are unpacking, and after they settle in, they will turn down the volume. Why oh why could it not have been bought by some nice quiet knitters? Knitting Kneighbors, that would have been nice. *sigh*

B4 Bag Progress

I'm about halfway on this bag. Once it's done, it will be felted. I'm excited, it's my first bag, AND my first felting project. Did I mention that I LOVE this yarn?? The colors are fantastic, and it feels so nice.

Knitting Day!

I do need to work for a few hours. And put some laundry through the system. And probably vaccuum. And, taking a shower and brushing my teeth would be a good move. But after all that... I'm going to KNIT dammit. I need just a few hours of NOTHING-BUT-KNIT time. Just for me. And maybe some champagne and cheese. And chocolate. Yeah. I'll call it a Brighid day. Blogging, cheese, knitting, housework. All that is missing is the forge and anvil.

I'll post my progress on the B4 bag tomorrow.

Stupid, Stupid People

So, Keith was in a bike-on-bike head-on accident on his way home from work. Some IDIOT decided to just swerve over and hit him head on on the bike path while he was barreling along at 20 MPH. The bike is bent. very bent. Keith has been investing a lot of his time and $$ into this bike, and unlike a car accident, there is pretty much no recourse, even when they hit and run. So far, miraculously, his bodily injuries seem pretty minor. Though his knuckle/hand is badly sprained, and possibly fractured and he's pretty banged up. I think he's more angry about his mint condition classic bike being totalled than anything else. And that it happened because somebody else was just being stupid and then took off without any attempt at making some effort to make it right. Personally, I'm relieved he wasn't hit by a truck or something, but upset about the bike too. He went through a lot of effort to bring it back here from St. Louis, fixed it up, and was really enjoying commuting to work that way. Lame Ass people. And hello? Can we please PLEASE catch a break?

Full of Bugs

So, my computer crapped out on me last night. I was just standing there, talking to Keith when I turned just in time to see Outlook feed me that line about how sorry it is for the inconvenience but it has to shut down. Which seemed odd. I wasn't doing anything at the time. But it wouldn't let me start Outlook anymore. I started to panic, what would I do? Somebody might NEED to reach me!! Then I tried to open my work program, which works with Word, and it wouldn't open either. So, I went to the option of reinstalling/repairing Microsoft Office, since that seemed to be the glitch. Well, it wouldn't let me. I tried a system restore, no dice. I tried many different angles of things, and finally something sort of worked. I say sort of, because I never did really figure out what was wrong, or how to fix it, I just found a way to sort of work around it. I eventually got everything working EXCEPT Outlook, and then I just fannagled that into working in spite of itself.


So, it works, but it *feels* funny, if that makes any sense. Like it could collapse again at any moment. Chelle is making backups now. Lots of backups.


Our Kitchen has even MORE bugs than my computer. We have our usual scout ants, wandering about looking for something to report back about. Nothing major. BUT, our neighbor gave us some pears from her tree that happened to be the location of a major fruit fly village. They apparently do not have an urban growth boundary, because they just expanded to our whole kitchen. Even after eliminating the fruit, they gather in the kitchen sink, in the garbage can, whereever suits their fancy.
As flies go though, the fruit fly is sort of cute. Sort of. Kind of like a flying fat hamster. Except it's a fly, and it lays it's eggs in my food. Which is gross. So, all fruit has been confined to quarantine until this crisis passes.

No Knitting

So very distracted... but not by my knitting, so that's a problem. If I'm going to be suffering financially for not getting any work done, I should at least get a pair of socks or a new felt bag out of the deal, right?
I only have a few weeks to start practicing a "new" schedule so that I don't absolutely die when school starts. I need to practice being organized and on a schedule. I have to try to remember how to make lunches.. I'm sure I can find a helpful web site to help with that...

ah, another distraction...

I just gradually through the week slip back into the working until 2 AM, sleep until 9:30 schedule, and that just is NOT going to work when school starts. I won't make it sleeping from 3 to 7. Unless I sleep while they are at school, but I think that's just counterproductive. I need to be pro-productive during daylight hours, and force my natural rhythms to comply with the sleeping at night, working in the day. No matter how much it hurts, they are probably not going to be supplying a Kindergarten night class anytime soon.
In Knitting news, I'm in line for Ravelry - only 14854 people in front of me in line. Hopefully they get their real big-people servers up soon so they can get us all in. I'm working on my B4 bag and the stole. Haven't started the next socks yet. Really want to do that sweater/duster thing...think I have time for a knitting class?

In Doula News, I'm sending in my application to Operation Special Delivery today. The whole military culture is very alien to me. But, that doesn't mean I don't respect the value of the military and the sacrifices those families make. I feel like tihs is a way I can help too, even in a small way. Basically, you volunteer as a Doula to be with women and support them in their pregnancy and birth, while their partner is deployed or otherwise unable to be there. There is apparently no state coordinator for Oregon, so in case I don't feel like I have enough to do or my commitment list is growing too short, I can volunteer to do that too.

In midwifery news, I'm still working on completing the steps so I can send for my Pre-Pak from AAMI. I'm also trying to put together the $$ so I can register for the Gentle Birth Conference thing at the end of September. If I can, I'd like to go to the Trust Birth conference in March, but that might be too much of a stretch.

I really need some meditation time, but I think I'm going to need to meditate in order to find where the time is to meditate. So, that loop is kind of closed.
My sister is on her honeymoon now, apparently she's become quite ill along the way. Hopefully, she feels better soon so she can enjoy the rest of her trip. Aren't they cute?

This week's meditation

How have I respected my life's purpose today?

from Celtic Devotional by C. Matthews

It's kind of like asking... "How am I not myself?"

Post-coffee apology

Note to readers: I apologize for all my whining. It's no less true, but it can stay all bottled up and squashed down inside where it belongs, not spewed all over you.

Note to self: Don't begin blogging before coffee, after night of insomnia.

(aka get a grip before planting fingers on the keyboard)

FORMAL COMPLAINT!

Okay, it's more of an Informal Complaint. Do you ever look around at your life, and go WTF am I doing? Am I living my life, or is my life an entity of its own, swirling about randomly making messes and my job is just to try to clean them up and maybe keep it from hurting anybody else? I just seem to have such a list of clean up on aisle 10 that I feel like my life, at least the fun part, is pretty much over. I'm on the downhill side of life at 37, heading towards the finish line. It might be more fun to go barrelling down the mountain at breakneck speed, but am I really in this big hurry to get there? but if I just keep grabbing at branches that scratch my face, trying to slow myself down, don't I just end up all bruised and tired, and bloody, and do I really want to spend as much time as I can doing that?

There just are people out there, people in my own family who would look at that scenario and go cool! You're on a mountain! Why don't you try flying??! Why do you figure you have to run or fall and roll? And I just never would have thought of it that way. Not anymore. Things that used to be thrilling and exciting just make me feel full of fear and anxiety now. Is it the same thing? I've just forgotten how to interpret it as joy so it's learned to be terror and angst?

Once I was young and actually FUN. Now I find that when I spend any significant amount of time around any number of people that might resemble a crowd, or even a small gang, I become physically sick. Either with a headache, or just sick to my stomach. It's like I just don't know how to be around people anymore. All that extra energy barrage, and I WANT to be social, I WANT to just hang out, be with people, know people...

And then the insomnia hits, and I can't sleep and I just lay there thinking, what am I doing? Paying bills? Just keeping my head above water? Never really making much progress, not exactly running in circles, because that would be sort of focused. I start one circle, then see another one and go over there, start running that circle. At least if I stayed in one place I might accomplish a rut.

It's like, the most important job I have in life right now, is to be the person who takes this little girl downstairs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so she doesn't have to do down in the dark by herself. Which feels pretty important. At least to her. Typically at the time, I've been up half the night with anxiety and insomnia, and every time I almost fall asleep my brain convinces me I'm having a stroke, or a heart attack... so when I finally do get to sleep, that's usually when Charlotte's little alarm goes off and she has to go potty.

It's the craziest thing really... when all is calm and quiet and right, that's when I am most likely to have a panic attack. Put me on a freeway bridge that's falling in, an earthquake, a woman having a baby, and people are panicking, and I am your voice of reason, your take charge person, your calm eye of the storm, your rock in a crisis. That's me. Maybe I just need to be in crisis?

Horks alive, that's just ***ked up.

Tofutsies Socks Done, what's next?

Looky, looky - I figured out how to do the cursed blog tags/badges thingies for my sidebar. Seems like they coulda made that a little easier. but ANYWAY...

Finally finished Charlotte's pair of matching socks. I can't find the pictures (I actually think I deleted them because my card was full and I wanted more pictures at my sister's wedding last weekend). But, here is one of MY sock. Charlottes look just like mine, but her feet are smaller and cuter. It's just a basic vanilla sock using Tofutsies yarn.

I'm still working away on my sister's stole. Obviously, not going to be the wedding present, but maybe for their 2-year anniversary. I'm also working on the B4 Bag which I just started working on. Now, I'm going to have to try another pair of socks. Probably the new I-Love-Gansey socks from the Six-Sox KAL group

I'd also like to try the tilted duster pattern on the cover of the Fall IK.

All this, and starting to save up my pennies for the Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival in September, plus that whole change my life career, try to give some energy to spiritual pursuits, find time for marital bliss, etc... The plate is full, may I have another?

Willow Logo

It's In. Yay Logo

and I got the business cards in the mail yesterday. I like it, it's working for me. Thanks Anne! :)

My actual cards have the phone number on them, but I'm not going to make it that easy here.